I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
did i walk over a car last night?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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