Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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