I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
