Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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