i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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