I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
