Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
