woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
