Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
