I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
