I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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