btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
