my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Swine flu is the new snow day.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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