In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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