watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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