Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
