either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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