He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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