Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
