"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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