I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
