period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
