im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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