Nicole vs. Life
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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