thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
