Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
