omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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