out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Less talking, more tequila
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
