sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm passing your future prison.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
