Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
