You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize