I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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