guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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