My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have aggressive nipples.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
