there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
