Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize