happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
