In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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