somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The adults are the big ones right?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
