The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
