Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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