I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
time to smoke my breakfast
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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