this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Enjoy the penises
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
