i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And my parents said I crawled through the house
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
