please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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