Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
