i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
