What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I puked a lego.
You can't special order awesome
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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