Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize