I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
