hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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