I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
