I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
