Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
then he tried to convert me to islam
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
