dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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