I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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