Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
