he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
