Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it glows. i had to have it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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