The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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