My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
