woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
