I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
