You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
