Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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