but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
