my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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