Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My vagina is very pro this idea
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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