You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
