and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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