my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's blow job season.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I came so hard my ears popped.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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