I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
