is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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