Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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