Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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