i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
