why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
