Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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