I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
