Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
