I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize