I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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