I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
