I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
