I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
