I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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